Sunday, December 04, 2005

Not-to 3

"Golden rule: the bigger the vocabulary, the better the book. Every now and then you should beflabbergastimate your reader with a shimmerglitzering showray of innovational superlatative cogitations."

Congratulations, your membership application to SFWA has been approved!

"Reams could be written about why various individuals search their whole life over for excuses not to write. I’m not a psychiatrist; I don’t know you; and I have enough trouble sorting my own excuses. If you want to know why not then perhaps you need counseling."

Ah, but this was before we had Dr. Sue to help us.

"Looking to turn off customers? Hoping to overwhelm business partners? Enjoy confusing your suppliers? Then try one or more of these seven deadly sins of newsletter writing."

Does everything have seven deadly sins now? What's next? The seven deadly sins of mascara application, or cupcake baking, or parallel parking? And why are they deadly sins? Why can't they just maim the sinner, or maybe give him a bad cramp?

8 comments:

  1. "11. The people who have faith in you need to be proved correct."

    I liked that one.

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  2. The Seven Hangnail-Inducing Sins of Newsletter Writing.

    The Seven Water-Spot-On-Your-Best-Wineglasses-When-Martha-Stewartish-Aquaintance-is-Over-For-Dinner Creating Sins of Newsletter Writing.

    I think someone should go for the whole deal and write the Seven Hundred Million Deadly Sins of Doing Anything, Anywhere, at Any Time, and be done with it.

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  3. If you use big words, make at least sure you know what they mean, or you'll produce something like this:

    The air-conditioner in the limousine was on full throttle but sweat was still irrigating uncontrollably from the pores of Sterlin's face. His stringy blonde hair was drenched with perspiration and his respiration was corroded. Breathing through his clogged nostrils seemed to be more and more difficult by the second.

    Since I'm a good girl who quotes her sources: I found the little gem here but I warn you to click the link. It's a scary PA thingie. And if you do, don't come back a-complaining. :-)

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  4. LMAO @ the Golden rule. :-P

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  5. Oooh, great links, especially those first two.

    I think I try to avoid big words . . . I'll have to look out for that. I know I keep neologisms to a bare minimum: species names (sentient and non) and proper names. Neologorrhea* is one of my pet peeves.

    *just made that up.

    Thanks much for your comments at my place, btw ;o)

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  6. Gabriele, that was just mean. What kind of a company publishs such... tripe?

    I'm not sure I can avoid the 'big' words; I was taught to use one word rather than more. Be concise. Although, I try not to be magniloquent about it.

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  7. Sesquipedalians are such a turn-on. *g*

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  8. Jaye,

    Publish America.

    This fellow made an anal orifice of himself on a Writer's Forum, that's why I don't mind exposing his "website". Some people critted his masterwork and he came back with a very nasty "you pathethic little bunch of wannabes, what do you know. F- you," sort of reply.

    ReplyDelete