Tuesday, May 29, 2007

eCollaborator.com

Welcome to eCollaborator.com!

#1 Trusted Co-Writers Site -- Move Beyond "Traditional" Forms of Authorial Collaboration and Into the Beautiful World of Writing Partnerships!

-- FREE! Get your $50 writing profile analysis today

We both know you can't make it on your own, or you wouldn't be here, now, would you? No. You would have married that nice doctor from Rockaway. But would you listen when you were young and your can wasn't the size of Texas? No. So here we are.

-- FREE! See your writing matches and find out who else is a sucker for this kind of thing!

What, you thought you were the only unemployed meshuganah in Publishing? Darling, look around. The whole place is lousy with writers like you.

-- FREE!

Nothing else is. But we gave you the first two, didn't we? And it's not even a holy day. Where's the gratitude?

Why eCollaborator is Different from Those Other Useless Writer Matchmaking Sites

At eCollaborator our patented Writing Compatibility and Personal Tolerance System (TM) narrows the field from millions of aspiring wannabees to a highly select group of writers with whom you share deep levels of insecurity. Where other sites match on a proposal and three chapters, eCollaborator matches you based on compatibility in the most important areas of your writing: like who writes the sex scenes, whose characters don't stink to high heaven, what intellect you have left after all these years surfing the web, any shred of sense of humor that has survived the submission process, absence of any conflicting political views that no one cares about anyway, passion for the work (excuse me, that was a cough, not a laugh), and up to 2,994 other writerly dimensions (give us a couple of days, we'll think them up.)

Testimony from writer-collaborators Stephen and Dean:

Stephen: "I feel so much love for Dean. When I want to watch the ball-game, he never gets upset. He just goes back to work and puts another dog in the story. By the time I find out about it, I've had so many beers I could care less."

Dean: "Stephen has flowered so beautifully since we began to work together. Not one dog has died in his fiction since we met through eCollaborator. I thank God every day for you wonderful people."

990 eCollaborator members get published every single day*

Founded by renowned author and lousy relationship expert Paperback Writer, eCollaborator is responsible for thousands of successful joint publishing endeavors. That's because we have nothing better to do than focus on making matches that have the foundation of compatibility necessary for a lifetime of writing joy, and endless potential for becoming great jokes that we tell at parties.

Testimony from Sherrilyn and Kinsey:

Sherrilyn: "I love my writing partner! She writes books exactly the way I do! It's just so fabulous to be with her!"

Kinsey: "Oh, stop, Sherrilyn sweetie! Tee-hee. You're so much better than I am. Tee-hee. Not that I'm terrible, naturally, but you know what I mean. Tee-hee."

Scientifically Proven Writing Compatibility and Personal Tolerance System

During our months of semi-exhaustive research, daydreaming, and thousands of games of Mah-Jongg, we at eCollaborator found that there are 49 Vital Aspects of Compatibility necessary for success in a long term collaboration. eCollaborator is the only writer-matching site that uses a scientifically proven method (which we're not going to describe because we don't want to type out all that; just take our word for it) to match writers based on these 49 essential aspects.

Testimony from Jessica and Gena:

Gena: "I was languishing in nowhere land until I met Jessica through eCollaborator. Now with her special motivation, I have real hope I'll be able to reclaim my former glory as a romance writer!"

Jessica: "Shut up and bring me another slice of that Sara Lee pound cake, you twit."

"No Writer Matchmaking Service Screens Its Applicants More Rigorously"
-Publishers Monthly**

At eCollaborator our comprehensive, 99,634 question Writer Questionnaire is just one of the many, many ways we screen new members for deep compatibility with you on as many as 49 aspects. Okay, if you pay the $999.99 annual fee immediately instead of making installments, we'll consider all our questions answered. You couldn't have all that money to spend unless you had a decent day job, right? And hang on to that, Darling. You know what they say, when the looks go . . .

Take the first step.
Well, no, coming here was actually the first step -- and aren't you smart for making it this far!
Take the second step.
FREE! Get your $50 writing profile analysis.
FREE! View Your Highly Compatible Matches. You can't talk to them, or contact them, of course, and we'll sue you if you try, but you can look. Look, that's all.

Isn't it time you experienced the joy of collaborating with a writer who gets you, loves your work, and accepts you for the professional waffler you are? This is the kind of joy that comes from authentic collaboration -- and authentic collaboration is what forms the basis for every relationship at eCollaborator. Otherwise, we'd call it Hot Guys in Little Black Speedos like our cousin Marla's web site. She went into soft porn and makes a nice living at it, may God give her bunions bunions.

Why Not Give Our Service a Try Right Now?
God knows, we're not getting any younger.
You get those two free things for nothing. How many more times are you going to write Chapter One, huh?
Like you have anything to lose.
Go ahead.
Click on the free trial, cheapskate.
You know you'll never get published until you do.
Come on.
Quit being such a baby about it.

*Published here defined as self-published; see our companion web site eVanityPublishing.com
**Advertisement paid for by eCollaborator.com

16 comments:

  1. Ha ha ha! Oh that's great, Lynn! I needed a laugh too! Thanks.

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  2. Thanks to eCollaborator's comprehensive, 99,634-question Writer Questionnaire, I was able to put off working on that sloppy transition between chapters six and seven for an additional nine days!

    Thank you, eCollaborator!

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  3. Knew I should have gone to the bathroom before I clicked on this blog...

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  4. I think after answering 99,634 questions, I'd be all writed out.

    oh wait... i have an 8 year old and 5 year old... I answer that many before breakfast.

    :P

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  5. I truly adore you.

    This is classic.

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  6. Am I the only one dying to see a Jessica vs. Gena writing cage-match?

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  7. lol... I'm ready to sign up!

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  8. Love the Stephen and Dean bit. ROFL.

    :)

    Thanks for the giggle this morning!

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  9. ROFL! Thanks for the unexpected giggle this morning.

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  10. Lol. Jessica is clearly my hero :)
    Thanks for the laugh :)

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  11. I put $5 on Jessica. Thank you for the laugh, we all needed it here at the Dayjob (its 90 out and the ac is on the fritz-help!)

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  12. That was rich!! I loved it and had such a good laugh! Thanks for that one! :)

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  13. I need help. I was ready to sign up.

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  14. Brilliant! Thanks for the morning laugh. :) [snickering at buffysquirrel's comment]

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  15. Anonymous4:03 PM

    You know Dr. Phil is going to get you for that! Heh.

    And the cage match? Fill the cage with lime Jell-O and let 'em at it! You'll make a mint. If you can figure out how to make mints out of lime Jell-O, that is.

    Thanks!!!

    Carter

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  16. Let me guess...spam paid you a visit, and this is the consequence? Love it.

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