Monday, June 18, 2007

Intro Ten

Ten Things People Say When They Meet Writers
(and what we're really thinking while we're politely smiling)

1. Are you really a writer, or was he joking?

He was joking; I'm a retired porn film producer. Say hi to your husband for me.

2. Authors make big money, don't they?

Of course we do. I'm just putting these canapes in my purse for the dog.

3. Books put me to sleep.

Sounding out all those words must be pretty exhausting.

4. Can you write like Stephen King?

No, but I bet you could give him ideas for his next book.

5. Do you have a real job?

Yes, I beat the crap out of people who think writing isn't a real job. Can I talk to you outside for a minute?

6. Have I read anything you've written?

Oh, my God. You can read?

7. I never go into bookstores. I can't find anything I like.

Hey, maybe someday Barnes & Noble will carry pork rinds and personal massage units.

8. I have this great idea for a book. Would you write it for me?

Sure. Just as soon as I write the books for the forty thousand other people with great ideas that I met before you.

9. My sister/wife/mother reads all your romance novels.

Don't worry, Big Guy, your secret is safe with me.

10. You don't look like a famous writer.

While you, on the other hand, look exactly like a jackass.

29 comments:

  1. Wow. I just about fell over laughing after reading this.

    Thanks, I needed it.

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  2. That's great! Oh man, that was funny!

    Welcome back, Lynn, glad to see the blogs working better.

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  3. *sigh* So true, so true.

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  4. ...Yes.

    Just discovered your blog in my "God I don't want to go to work today" morning 'net wanderings. I will now keep that entire thing in the back of my mind so that I can smile at people all day and not feel like a total hypocrite.

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  5. Number 5 is something I get when I tell my day job: a translator.

    BTW, thanks for mentioning the sale on HollyLisle.com!

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  6. Thank you, I needed a good laugh this morning. And welcome back.

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  7. That was awesome, Lynn. Thanks for the morning laugh. #5 almost had me falling out of my chair.

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  8. :-D Glad the blog is working again. Those are hysterical.

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  9. You made my morning. Thanks!

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  10. Yay, you're back! Thanks for the Monday morning laugh.

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  11. the comment i get the most is....


    so do you write kids books or what?

    :P

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  12. Bwaa ha ha! Excellent post!

    When people ask what I write, and I say "Fantasy", they almost always assume I mean erotic fantasy. I used to scramble to explain, but nowadays I just let 'em think what they want.

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  13. LOL... oh yea, I have heard most of these. I was asked if I had been published? I said yes... poems and short stories.

    Oh your not a real writer... I was told...

    I'm not a real writer because I am not a novelist??? ARG!

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  14. LOL! But you missed out the number one, rip-my-hair out, fire boiling out of my ears one:

    *So you're a writer? You know, I'm always meaning to write a book, but I just can't find the time*

    Somehow manages to simultanously imply 1) that writing must be laughably easy since a dimwit like you can do it and 2) that you have way too much time on your lazy hands and if only you had a real life/job/relationship you wouldn't need to write at all. I can't think of anything to say in reply (other than NNNNAAAEERGHHHGGGH!!!). Any ideas, PBW?

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  15. This post reminds me of something people love to say about pastors: "You pastors have it great. You only work 1 hour each week, and you always get to go to the front of the line at pot-luck dinners."

    I figure that if I grit my teeth tightly enough, it looks as though I'm smiling as if amused.

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  16. Anonymous12:09 PM

    I see the blog was down while I was in Florida. We drove out to see the shuttle launch (Just as amazing from the side of the highway as I'd hoped) and then made monitary sacrifices to the Mouse-God. I kept hoping to bump into you, even though I'm pretty sure I was in the wrong part of the state --
    Glad to see the blog up and running concurrent with my first week back. My favorite retort was the pork rind comment.
    JulieB

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  17. Can't find time to write a book? *snerk*

    Writers have a superpower that enables them to MAKE time to write.

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  18. Welcome back, PBW. My fave is #1 - say hi to your husband for me... Oh, my husband was right when he laughed and said "oh, she is wicked". Thank you for the laughs this morning! (I always suspected that Cherijoy might be your twin sister - now I'm sure of it.)

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  19. Welcome back!

    And I'm sure 9 is most often true :)

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  20. Anonymous2:25 PM

    "7. I never go into bookstores. I can't find anything I like."

    "If they won't write the kind of books we want to read, we shall have to write them ourselves; but it is very laborious." --C.S. Lewis

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  21. I heard numbers four, five, seven and ten just this morning. And none of my comebacks were as funny as yours. I'm stealing some of your lines next time.

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  22. Rosina Lippi5:40 PM

    Not only is she back, but she's in top form.

    If I may add two to this priceless list:

    Q: Where do you get your ideas?
    A: K-Mart, $9.99 the dozen.

    Q: Where do you get your inspiration?
    A: The mortgage statement.

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  23. Hahahaha, oh man.

    Check and mate. I thought 10 was pretty good. 7 might be the best though. Argh, they're all great!

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  24. Gerri9:36 PM

    Rosina....

    If you pay that much for your ideas, you're getting ripped off...

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  25. Perfect! I'm going to remember these!

    #5 even fits for stay-at-home-moms only the question is usually "What do you do all day?"

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