Ten Things Authors Don't Want to Hear (But Frequently Do)
1. "All the other authors are doing it."
Really? I hear all the other editors are jumping in a lake.
2. "Change [important part of the story.] I know it's logical, necessary and even important, but honestly, I just don't like it."
Well, I had the same problem working with you, and I got over it.
3. "Don't worry about the wording in your contract."
Even this part where it says I have to bend over and . . .?
4. "Her/his name isn't feminine/masculine enough. How about Muffy/Chad?"
You're not planning to breed, are you?
5. "I asked [Big Name Author] for a quote, but s/he's too busy to read the manuscript."
And you couldn't wait to tell me. How thoughtful.
5a. "I asked [Big Name Author] for a quote, but s/he read the manuscript and didn't like it."
Great. Now my book will be the featured title at his/her next workshop: "Manuscripts I Have Read for Quotes That Really Sucked, and Why."
5b. "I asked [Big Name Author] for a quote, but s/he burned the manuscript after reading it and won't speak to me anymore."
(hangs up phone)
6. "I loved the book. I couldn't put it down and stayed up all night reading it, and there's no way in hell we can publish it."
Next time, just come to my house and beat the daylights out of me. It'll hurt less.
7. "Lighten up. No one will laugh if your cover art is a little ugly."
Right. They'll be too busy puking.
8. "PW called the book 'an barely entertaining farce of a train wreck; possibly the Worst American Novel of All Time.' We're going to use '...entertaining...'"
I need an aspirin.
9. "We don't like the title."
10. "You're not in the big bookseller's monthly newsletter that goes out to a quarter-million subscribers because someone misplaced the wonderful promotional material for it that you wrote and sent to us. Sorry."