Friday, February 13, 2009

Valentine No-Nos

Ten Things I Do Not Want for Valentine's Day
(for my guy)

Chocolate: I can't have it on my diet, and I gave away all the stuff that came in during Christmas. I can't do that again and not have a nervous breakdown.

Filet Mignon: I can already hear my arteries hardening.

Flowers: The cats eat them and then throw up. I do not want to spend Valentine's Day cleaning up chewed petal puke while the puppy tries to help.

Foot Massager: You're not allowed to touch my feet; why do you think I'd let some vibrating pulsing heated machine near them?

Jewelry: I didn't make you read that National Geographic article about how poor people in third world countries are killing themselves to illegally mine gold, did I?

Love Coupons: they're cute, but you never let me redeem them unless the kids are staying with Grandma.

Naughty Nighties: I'm too tired to remember to put on my robe in the morning, and I can't walk the puppy while I'm wearing something from Victoria's Secret for Seniors.

Perfume: I love you, honey, but you always shop when you're hungry, and I do not want to walk around smelling like a mango for a year again.

Stuffed Animals: What am I, six? And I didn't like them even when I was in the first grade.

X-Rated Toys: I can't remember to buy batteries for the flashlight in the kitchen, so unless they're solar-powered . . .

What I would like for Valentine's Day is to spend it with you, sweetheart.

All right, you guys, your turn -- what don't you want for Valentine's Day? Let us know in comments.

19 comments:

  1. I don't want anything that would then be used for someone else, like kitchen gadgets. That new mixer is cool, but it's not really a gift if you got it so I would bake more stuff for you, is it?

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  2. Anything from Hallmark. For some odd reason, I doubt the sincerity of their writers when they wax poetic about my fabulosity.

    A simple construction-paper heart from someone sincere would score more points with me.

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  3. I don't want to try to have a quiet meal together on one of the busiest restaurant days of the year. Which is why we celebrated LAST Saturday. *ggg*

    Oh, and Harlequin is giving away a book with any purchase, there's a Valentine gift to love!

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  4. I'm with you on the flowers thing. I never understood the concept of "Here's a symbol of my undying love. . . that will be all droopy and sad looking, and well. . . dead in about three days."

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  5. I don't have a sweetheart so I'm afraid that anything I say will sound like sour grapes.

    Instead, I'll say that what I want is to spend the day exactly as I please, enjoying my time, the day, my dogs, and anything else life might give to me.

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  6. We had a valentines/18th wedding anniversary lunch today while the kids were at school. Nice and peaceful, great food, fantastic company.

    A day early for both, but hey, that means we can celebrate again tomorrow.

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  7. I'll never turn down dinner out, even if it's just the pub up the block. This is why I go to the gym and spend extra time on the cross-trainer. I don't mind. Really. Take me out for dinner. I can handle it!

    The other thing is, as with EVERY occasion to do something for me, take me to Barnes & Noble and say, "Pick a couple."

    That's actually my idea of a perfect date: dinner and a bookstore. I have simple tastes, no?

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  8. Anonymous10:47 AM

    Go Mary Stella!

    That is exactly what I'd like to do. I don't want to pick up so much as a speck of dirt off a floor, flush a toilet after somebody else just left the bathroom. Pick up dog poop. Recycle the newspapers left all over the floor...wait, I think I may be confusing Valentine's Day with Mother's Day....

    I'd like to go to Borders. Get a cup of coffee...wait...I'm still in Mother's Day.

    Sigh. I guess I'll make a special dinner and watch a DVD. No candy please, I'm still trying to peel the fat cells off from New Years. Maybe a bottle of red wine, shrimp, and a movie that doesn't kill off half the planet in the first three minutes.

    Laurel

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  9. What you CAN get me (though don't do it because things are too financially tight right now) is a gift card to a bookstore. Ahhhh, love ... I mean with the books and you too, honey.

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  10. I want to be able to buy a birthday card for my friend without being surrounded by young men searching for the card that gives them the best chance of getting laid.

    /crabby

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  11. What do I want for Valentine's Day? Not to have to go out in the snow we're supposed to get tomorrow. I'd be a lot happier staying in with a simple dinner and a DVD.

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  12. I've never been one to care about Valentine's Day, whether I'm in a relationship or not. If you love someone, show it every day.

    That said, I am so glad to read that I'm not the only one who won't let anyone near my feet.

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  13. So...Lynn, if you don't want the chocolates and stuff, can I have them?

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  14. I'm with you PBW, on most of your list, but, well - I really do love a good foot massage.

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  15. Keita Haruka6:25 AM

    Mmm...I really can't think of anything I wouldn't want for V-day. Plushies, chocolates, foot massages...heck, if my lover wants to give me mango perfume that's fine too. :P Anything h gives me would be great because it's from him.

    Yeah...okay...I'm a mushy romantic. Fortunately, so is my lover. :P So there's likely to be a cute teddy, chocolates, and roses. And kisses and hugs and all those soppy things. I can hardly wait! :D

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  16. That's one day I don't miss here, lol. Much as the flower and candy shops try to introduce Valentin's Day, it won't take off. Like with Mother's Day it's a sad thing if you need a special day to think of people you love.

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  17. I work in a middle school. Valentine's Day is the day when I get to deal with tweens whose parents gave them chocolate for breakfast to prove their parental adoration, so they spend the morning jacked so high on sugar they can't breathe. Half of the girls are carrying stuffed animals their boyfriends carted to school to give them, while the other half are red-eyed from weeping because they didn't get anything or don't have a boyfriend. There's candy crushed on the hallway floors and wrappers stuffed behind the books in my library shelves. All I want for Valentine's is to pay it no attention at all.

    My husband, bless him, figured this out many years ago. :D

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  18. Just a heads up for the anonymous gentleman who left a comment describing a sex act. While I think you were probably trying to be funny, and I happen to be quite fond of that sex act myself, I have a lot of youngsters who come here (including my own) and your Valentine's Day wish was not something I think I want them to read. Not exactly romantic or PG-13, if you know what I mean. So I have rejected it, and hope you will understand.

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  19. Anonymous9:51 PM

    Can't get past the batteries for your flashlight and others. Maybe they have wind-up toys, like the new disaster ready flashlights. I gave them to everyone on my Christmas list - 27 of them. Flashlights, that is.

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